Down but not out!

Well what a day...

Health visitor came today. Not seen her for two months and we had a lot to catch up on. OH was there for part of it which was nice as his shifts mean he rarely has chance to get involved with things like this. Everything is great with little man. He's growing and gaining weight steadily. Have some small concerns about his left hand and his eye but getting both of them checked out so that's fine.

Had a good chat about my anxiety attacks and she wonders if I'm experiencing "fight or flight" symptoms. Makes a lot of sense because when things get too much I just want to run away. I asked for her thoughts about what I should do regarding my so called happy pills as I don't think they've made the slightest difference and she suggested I ask my Dr about cognitive therapy to try and tackle the problems head on.

She got me to retake my pnd assesment that I first did when he was 6 weeks old. It's one of those questionnaires where you have to circle the best response to a particular statement relating to how you have felt in the last week. The first time I did it I scored 18 (the higher the score, the more likely it is you have pnd) today I scored 21!!!! Seriousy has there been any actual point to me chucking pills down my neck for the last few months!!!

If there is a positive to this is that its made me more determined to get well and get functioning again. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own house. I don't want my son to miss out because I cant handle the world. I don't want my relationship to suffer because the thought of going out for something to eat as a family makes me feel sick. I just want to be me again. Hope I can find the way.