Been a rough few weeks.

Weirdly I've found it harder to write this post than I did the first one.

I'm calm and relaxed now but I've been having anxiety attacks lately. Had a really bad one two weeks ago in town. Was there with my other half, his Mum and of course my little man. The idea was to go for some lunch but the sun had made a brief appearance so everywhere was packed. We had all stuck together until OH went off to argos and M-I-L had popped into Boots. I thought I'd be brave and wait outside as the smell of all the perfume was giving me a headache and anyway, both of them were to take no longer than 5 mins. Sadly I was stood outside for longer - not sure how much but it felt like an hour - and there was just a constant surge of people. I started to panic. I felt sick, started going dizzy and at one point felt myself welling up. No one was answering their phone and if OH hadn't've come back when he did there is a strong possibility I would have left the pram and run away. I hate myself for that.

I've had a few more episodes but that was the worst. I decided a week away at my parents might do me some good - show little man off and catch up with the family. I'm from a small town and thought I'd just be able to chill but no!!! Little man gets chicken pox... Not only was he really poorly with it bless him but I couldn't visit anyone as he was so contagious so my nice stress free week went out the window. I've spoken to my Dr and her solution is to change my happy pills as apparently the ones I've been on since I was diagnosed can increase stress levels(!)

Thankfully he's all recovered - just a few scabs to heal so I can try and focus on getting myself sorted. I'm meant to be due back at work in 3 months and at the moment I don't think I'll cope. There'll be a solution out there - just got to find it.

That's all for now - hopefully my next post will be a little happier...